Grab an abacus, you'll want to keep count. Round 16 produced 428 points across six games, and here's the number that tells the story: every team that won scored more than 38.

Forwards spent the weekend moonlighting as backs, stepping and offloading into corners like they'd never packed a scrum. Two games turned on their heads after halftime. There was a 70-metre solo try, a collision that sent a bloke to the shadow realm, and a queue of naughty boys that kept the referees busy all afternoon.

The ladder felt it too. It has been asleep for many moons, but somewhere in a distant land an ancient giant has been awoken - and if you listen very closely, you can hear the ground begin to shake. With two rounds to play the top four are now locked in, but the race for the final two spots is well and truly on.

Southern Districts v Western Sydney
Two Blues def Rebels 57-33

Jake Douglas got the scoring underway for the Rebels after four minutes. Blaise Barnes converted. Braden Stewart finished off some sexy “to me, to you” work from the Two Blues' forwards. Souths upped the razzle but fell short in the dazzle department. A sub-par chip and chase was snatched up by Rilloy Suesue, shifted wide, kicked ahead and Christian Papa raced in to score. Rodney Iona converted. Minutes later, Reece Suesue dummied and scored. Two Blues went again as Tovo Faleafa stepped and crashed across the chalk. Sexy feet for a big man. Iona converted. With five to go, Souths finally sparked an attack. Barnes raced back down the short side, offloaded to Josh Tudehope and try time. Souths failed to kick out and Two Blues had time and space. The hot-steppers were out in force, chiiii-hoooooo! A naughty flick pass back inside to Iona and he was home. Shot Dox. Iona converted. Halftime.

90 seconds after oranges, the Suesue brothers went H.A.M. Rilloy Suesue finished off a move clearly rehearsed in the backyard. Iona converted. Two Blues bagged another, Jerome Williams finishing a classic counter-attack. Iona converted. Souths went on a run chasing the 33-point deficit. Adam Arkley burrowed in. Barnes converted. Douglas bagged his second in the same fashion. Barnes converted. Two Blues weren't done. Seven to go. A monster 30-metre pass from Williams to Papa, definitely forward but "out of the hands backwards" was the call. Papa had two and Two Blues had 50. Two to play and Souths' maul went on the charge. Tom Gibb the recipient. Barnes converted. Clock in the red and Two Blues STILL weren't finished. Mesu Dolokoto, off the back of the maul and over he went. Suesue converted. Fulltime.

Randwick v Manly
Wicks def Marlins 60-35

I was excited for this fixture and Manly proved why early. Nik Foliaki stepped over to open the scoring. Ollie Horne converted. Minutes later, superstars James Hendren and Andrew Kellaway linked up and Kellaway went over. Shortly after, Billy Dickens pivoted across to extend the lead. Horne converted. Before you knew it Manly were in again, Dally Bird racing down the sideline and leaving Wicks stunned. Horne converted. Kellaway showed his class once more, fending and offloading to Joe Browning who raced home to narrow the gap. The rest of the half was a gritty arm wrestle until speed around the corner beat Manly to the punch and Isi Naisarani flopped over. Hendren converted. Halftime.

Four points the difference going into the second - naturally you'd think a rip-snorter of a half. Well, I suppose it was. Tom Nowlan put Wicks in front after seven. Hendren converted. Manly hit back with our favourite pastime. Big men doing smaller men things. Cadeyrn Neville and Bird linked up on the edge, a bit of “to me, to you”, and Neville stormed into the corner. Horne converted. Back to a four-point lead, Wicks shifted wide and, in another display of smaller man antics from a big man, Max Moore somersaulted over. Hendren converted. Manly went to the maul and, if you needed more proof we live in a simulation, Dickens somehow crossed. Horne converted. With 20 to go the game flipped on its proverbial head. Kellaway raced home from 30 out for a double. Hendren converted. Minutes later Wicks were in again through Matias Jenson from a pick and go. Did these guys decide pre-game that forwards and backs were swapping roles? Hendren converted. Tas Smith added another with nine to play. Hendren then finished off a full-field counter-attack with five to play. Jenson got a double with the clock in the red to cap a stunning 20 minutes from Randwick. Fulltime.

Hunter v Northern Suburbs
Norths def Wildfires 44-12

It took 15 minutes but we finally saw points. Norths, playing volleyball apparently, several offloads later put the ball in the hands of speedster Liam Dinnell, who raced into the corner. TJ Talaileva levelled the scores shortly after. Bashing his way through several defenders. Logan Love converted. Strong carries created gaps and the wee man Dinnell raced through for his double inside 20 minutes. Norths kept the momentum and went to their maul. Too big, too strong and Mr Baldy Baldy James Margan went over. Robbie McIntosh converted. Halftime.

10 points the difference, it was anyone's game. Norths said, "nah, it's ours", and Josh Barr went over after four minutes. 10 later, Hunter kept giving away penalties and gifted McIntosh an easy three from in front. Minutes later things got worse. Sitiveni Vahai, fresh off the bench, straight back to it. A textbook clothesline earned him the Pecorino. Naughty boy. Norths went quick off the penalty and Callum Sirker streamed home. Talk about a capitulation. Hunter found another naughty boy. Philip Talaileva, shoulder to the head, saved by a late change in body height and downgraded from a tomato to a Burrata. Naughty boy. Norths charged on and Shane Wilcox increased the lead. McIntosh converted. It wasn't all doom and gloom for Hunter. TJ Talaileva scored a ripper. Palmed one, steamrolled another and took two more over the line. Well in son. Clock in the red, Hunter attempted a feeble chip and chase. Scooped up by Norths, Barr replied with his own, regathered, try. Matt Minogue converted. Fulltime.

Eastwood v Eastern Suburbs
Beasties def Woods 38-0

What an interesting half of rugby. Talk about a gridlock. After 16 minutes Woods were pounding at Easts' door, unlucky not to score as Easts threw limbs under the ball to hold it up. But illegalities crept in - naughty boy George Gibson shown the Swiss for offside. Still, Woods couldn't convert. The highlight had to be bad, bad Reon (Brown) Lowery's rugby league run-up off a goal-line restart. A 20-metre runway produced a barrel with legs charging towards the line. OOOOFFFFFFFFTTTTT. Poor Will Goddard was sent to the shadow realm. WE LOVE IT. At the 30-minute mark, naughty boy Josh Narcessian went for offside. The Roquefort for you champ. Under the pump, ball in two hands, Louis Fenwicke sliced through for Easts' score after 35 minutes. Kemueli Valetini converted. Clock in the red and Woods lost another, Xavier Degei for illegal antics at the ruck. The Gouda for you bud. Halftime.

Easts kicked into gear after the break, Valetini finishing a tidy half-break. Valetini converted. 10 minutes later Lowery steamed over. Valetini converted. Woods looked dangerous but a loose pass was snatched up by Ollie Dawkins and there was no catching him from long-range. Valetini converted. With 10 to play another turnover gifted Easts ball. Mick (ice, ice baby) Icely grubbered ahead, Dawkins beat him to it and dotted down. Five to go, Woods on the hunt but unable to hold the ball, and Easts broke free. Andrew Smith the recipient. Fulltime.

Warringah v Sydney Uni
Uni def Rats 48-26

Cue the Imperial March. Just like in Revenge of the Sith, the Death Star has been rebuilt. Lau Fainga'a kick-started things at Rat Park, the behemoth of a forward pack trudging forward and over he went. Momentum stayed with Uni as Ben Fuhiniu went for a deliberate knock-down. The Stinking Bishop for you mate. The Students plugged away and shock horror, Benjy Joseland got try number 20 for the year. 20 on the clock, Rats pounded away and Wes Thomas burrowed in to narrow the gap. Byron Smith converted. With seven to go, Rats were back in Uni's 22. Ben Marr, the King of the Rats, spotted a gap and went straight through. Smith converted. Heartbreak off the kick-off as Ilaisa Droasese chanced his hand at a clearance, charged down and straight into the arms of party boy Tom Morrison. Huge fend and over he went. Henry James converted. Clock in the red and a brainsnap from Rats let James slot three right on the half. Halftime.

Two minutes into the second and Uni never looked like slowing, great shape in attack leaving Rats guessing. Up stepped Boston Fakafanua. Three defenders in front of him, pfft, no worries. Bounced one, stepped through two and raced under the pointy things. Someone get this kid a Wallabies cap. Good lord. James converted. Rats were struggling and a loose pass off the set-piece bobbled on the floor. Picked up and shifted wide, Ollie (Houdini) Schmude dummied one, stepped another and raced over. Pretty toey stuff. James converted. It took till the 53rd minute but Rats finally went over, Lebron Naea flopping over. Smith converted. Now. Try of the week is undisputed. James McGregor receives the kick 70 metres out. Runs it back, steps between two, steps another, steps ANOTHER and races straight over the line. JOISUS. James converted. 10 to play, Uni had a scrum five out from Rats' line. Jack Davis scooped it up, ducked under the defence and over! James converted. With four to go, Rats got one back through Luke Reimer. Fulltime.

Gordon v West Harbour
Stags def Pirates 40-35

Slap me pink and call me Susan, what a game this was. Buckle up folks. Pete Samu opened the scoring, simple cut-pass and in the corner he went. Hunter Hannaford converted. Pirates were on. Eight minutes later, a definite try-scoring chance. The ball knocked down by Bradon Quinn, the ref's arm went out - Jeremiah Raniga was unmarked on the edge and would have scored, Gordon's scrambling defenders never standing a chance. The Gruyere for Quinn and a maul try for Pirates, Albie Alcock the scorer. Hannaford converted. Four minutes later Hannaford stepped through a gap and over he went. Hannaford converted. With 10 to go, a very tidy one from Gordon. Cross-field kick, favourable bounce, a one-two and Ben Pollack was over. Harry Snook converted. Pirates went over again minutes later, Jack Debreczeni with the ball on a string, lofting a pass to Matt Wheelan, razzle AND the dazzle and home he raced. Hannaford converted. It was relentless, Pirates pillaging to their heart's content. Connor Hickey smacked the ball down in frustration, the arm went out, Drew Sellers went over and Hickey earned the Brie. Hannaford converted. Halftime.

What a difference halftime can make - Gordon scored 33 unanswered in the second. Quinn redeemed himself 10 minutes in. Snook converted. Minutes later, Pirates giving away too many penalties, Snook threw a huge pass under advantage and, as always, Oli Arcus flipped into the corner. Snook converted. The veteran Debreczeni was sent for repeated infringements. Just the Cheddar for you pal. Gordon went to the scrum, the backs to work and Jordan-lee Bacon crashed over. Let me set the scene for you good folks. Six-and-a-half to play, nine points the difference. A cheeky box kick was spilled in the Pirates backfield and Bacon had his second. Snook converted. Three to play, Bacon bounced one and took two more with him for his hat-trick. For the first time, Gordon took the lead. Snook converted. Last play, Pirates had an overlap. A bouncing ball caused panic and instead of shifting it, they grubbed it straight into touch. Game, set, match. Fulltime. Game of the round.