Round 11 lost the plot in the best possible way. Props were throwing dummies and beating defenders. Wingers were collecting hat-tricks and beating half a defensive line in a single movement. Former Wallabies were doing former Wallabies things. A scrumhalf bagged a hat-trick in the wet at Forshaw. The naughty boys were busy. And through all of it, Concord served up the game of the round. Are you not entertained?

Gordon v Western Sydney
Stags def Two Blues 40-29

Ooft. Talk about a sexy start. Manasa Mataele (belle of the ball - more on that to come) sliced through Gordon's defence, offloaded to Liam 'oh my' Lord. Five points in four minutes. Reece Suesue converted. Stags almost hit back through their maul but Two Blues had more bodies under that ball than I've had hot dinners. Held up, the call. Eventually Olympus fell - Mesu Dolokoto gave Two Blues their second. What happened next would make any man fall to his knees. Gordon's overthrow on halfway fell into Meli Sifa's hands. The Two Blues prop broke the first tackle, skipped through the second, dummied the third and was brought down 15 metres out. Such grace, such prowess - anyone else need some air? Mataele stepped inside four Gordon blokes and made it a three-try lead. Suesue converted. Resident hard man Jack Hardy got things going for Gordon, beating two in the tackle, offloading and putting Connor Hickey away. Spinks converted. Barrie Karea barged over from a scrum with three to play. Spinks converted. Halftime.

Naughty boy Cody Nordstrom was shown a lovely slice of Manchego two minutes in. Deliberate knock-on. Tut, tut. Something was in the pickle juice because the props were on one - Liam Usher levelled the score, throwing a dummy to no one and sneaking between two defenders. Spinks converted. A man down but Two Blues said "nae bother." The belle of the ball bagged his double, boisterously barging his way over. Eff me, Oli Arcus is annoyingly athletic. He received the ball inside his half, went between two defenders, dummied the offload, spun out of the tackle, sprinted between two more, stepped TWO MORE and scored. One line break, six defenders beaten. Put a fork in me, I'm done. Try of the round. Spinks converted. Shock - Arcus got his second shortly after. Spinks converted, then bagged one of his own. With 10 to go, Mataele got his third. Fulltime.

West Harbour v Manly
Marlins def Pirates 35-31

Billy Dickens got us underway at Concord, dummying his way over from close range. Will Kaye converted. In what can only be described as slippery conditions, Pirates - born and raised in miserable weather - capitalised through skipper Cameron Orr. Two metres out, in the wet - say less fam. Hannaford converted. Things were in a log jam until naughty boy Ben Chapman received the cheddar for a high tackle. Oh dear, we are in trouble. I feel sorry for Manly winger Charlie Poynton - having Pete Samu run straight at you from the back of the scrum is borderline abuse of power. No surprise Samu scored. Hannaford converted. Clock in the red and Manly were on the charge - Poynton got his revenge, dancing his way around the much more appropriately sized West Harbour backline. Kaye converted. All square at halftime.

Chapman paid his dues and edged Manly in front inside three minutes. Hard to say if the ball crossed the line but awarded nonetheless. Kaye converted. Albert Alcock, this week moving from hooker to flanker #versatile #modernman, closed the gap at maul time. Hannaford converted. Cadeyrn Neville stormed home through West Harbour's line to retake the lead. Kaye converted. With twelve to go, we witnessed one of the more interesting tries - a Hannaford highball, two Manly defenders and Matt Wheelan tearing after it. Wheelan faked the catch, the ball landed on his foot, rolled ahead, sat up - try time Pirates. Hannaford converted. Nine to play and scores tied - Wests went to their lineout. We almost got another member of the "Nearly Headless" club in Jeremiah Raniga, as he nearly had his head taken clean off. Hannaford slotted a long-range three. Cue drama! Clock in the red and Manly banging on the front door - Lulu Paea, channelling his inner woodland creature, burrowed in from close range. Fulltime. Game of the round.

Southern Districts v Eastwood
Woods def Souths 38-28

A soft start for Souths as Eastwood's Matt Gonzalez dummied, sold three defenders and walked in untouched from a metre out. Brad Roderick-Evans converted. It was always going to be gritty down at Forshaw - tough place to go at the best of times, let alone in the wet. Immanuel Opetaia flopped over for Woods' second. Roderick-Evans converted. Dylan Nelson joins the list of freakish wingers this year - fend, bust and belly down over the line. Someone's also gotta do something about the scaffolding at Forshaw - best seat in the house and perfectly blocking the camera. Try time? Hard to say. Ref seemed to think so. A delicious Gonzalez box kick, held up beautifully in the wind - the bounce of all bounces landed in Lachie Shelley's mitts, offloaded back to Gonzalez. Take a bow son. Roderick-Evans converted. Disjointed Souths going into halftime.

"Only 40 minutes until we can join Ladies' Day lads." I've taken the liberty of assuming what was said in the Rebels' sheds - it was a completely different team in the second. Jonty Ravenhill crashed over first. Blaise Barnes converted. Jackson Hayde, jealous of the woos and waas from the Ladies' Day tent, barged through three defenders to score. Barnes converted. Gonzalez, showing the rest why he was Zyzz reincarnate, palmed his way into the corner for his hat-trick. Roderick-Evans converted. George Methven raced home with eight to go. Ky Willoughby raced in for Souths in a last-minute burst. Barnes converted. Naughty boy Xavier Degei was shown the gruyere. Souths managed a turnover it over in the last play, kicked ahead and Willoughby had two in just as many minutes. Hall converted. Fulltime.

Eastern suburbs v Randwick
Easts def Wicks 47-7

Battle of the East and Easts were bashing down Randwick's door inside the opening 10 minutes. Randwick held on but eventually Will Harris proved too much. Try time Easts. Their forwards showing unadulterated aggression, creating space for the backs as Oli Dawkins flew in. Jack Bowen converted. Easts' forwards were relentless - Rob 'corn on the' Cobb crossed the chalk minutes later. Bowen converted. Halftime.

Naughty boy Mike Melia, so eager to get amongst it he tackled a bloke before he had the ball. Can't fault the enthusiasm, still illegal though. Beasties went to the maul and Jamie Adamson scored. Bowen converted. The human barrel, Reon Lowery, continued the parade for Easts' fifth. Bowen converted. Dawkins got his second off simple hands and soft defence. Bowen converted. It took 62 minutes but Randwick finally had something to cheer about - a lovely Turinui cross-field kick and Gage Phillips strolled over. Turinui converted. Chris Bell finished off a worldy from Easts. Turned over at the back, ball went wide - Sid Harvey made a break, offloaded to Dawkins, offloaded to Teddy Wilson, offloaded to Bell who volleyed it ahead and raced under the pointy things. Harvey converted. Fulltime.

Warringah v Hunter
Rats def Wildfires 33-28

60 seconds is all it took for Warringah's Labron Naea to score. Ben Woollett converted. Hunter showed a bit of razzle dazzle in reply - Logan Love raced into the corner. Love converted. Naea wasn't just a barnstorming runner - man’s got that touch you know - he placed a randy little grubber in behind Hunter's line and Riley Whitfeld went over. Woollett converted. Rats dominated scrum time. Same spot as their last try, the ball popped to Ben Fuhiniu and he was in. Against the run of play, Sitiveni Vahai plucked the ball from the air and raced in for the Wildfires. Love converted. Right on halftime, Woollett had a penalty from 20 metres in front. It missed. Ouchie. Halftime.

Hunter closed the gap just after the break - a delicious lineout move, some naughty offloads and Love had his second. Love converted. With 20 to go Hunter had the lead. Palmer was held up over the line. To make things worse, Wes Thomas was shown the Raclette for repeated infringements. Wildfires' quick tap and Phil Talaileva dove under the posts. Love converted. Just when you thought the upset hath brewed, Rats' veteran duo Ben Marr and Woollett orchestrated a sumptuous attack. Inside ball, offload and try time for Charlie McKill. Woollett converted. Two the difference and 10 to play - Rats rolled around the corner, the arm went out, simple hands and Luke Tucker went over. Two tries with a man down, not bad at all. Woollett converted. Fulltime.

Northern Suburbs v Sydney University
Norths def Uni 41-30

After two minutes Norths were three in front - consecutive penalties from the Students gave Max Burey an easy shot. Slick hands and footwork put Shane Wilcox over minutes later. Burey converted. The Students stayed patient and eventually the lumberjack Tom Lambert crashed over. Joey Fowler converted. Five minutes later Uni were back on the prowl - a tidy short ball put go-go gadget limbs George Poolman through a hole and he raced home. Fowler converted. Poor decision making in defence from Uni allowed Norths back in. Blair Tagi-Fuimaono finished off another set of slick handling. Burey converted. Four tries inside twenty minutes. A good old-fashioned gridlock followed until the halftime bell - Fowler slotted a long-range three to level. Halftime.

A poor Uni exit inside their 22 gave Norths the ball and Callum Sirker beat several defenders to put Uni back on their tryline. The pressure built and Seamus Smith, showed out-of-the-box strength for a wee man, broke the deadlock. Burey converted. Students showcased brilliance minutes later - Fakafanua carried through three, offloaded to George Poolman who offloaded to Eddie Poolman and try time. Burey put Norths on his back, carried through a brick wall, screamed “LEROYYY, JEEEENNKINS” and edged Norths further in front. Barr converted. Uni's scrum obliterated Norths' forward pack to win a penalty - Curtis took three. Six the difference, seven to play. Barr knocked over three. Wilcox crushed Uni's comeback hopes in the dying minutes, sliding over in the pouring rain. Barr converted. Clock in the red, Oli Schmude flick-passed to Fakafanua who slung it back inside to Schmude- bonus point secured. Fulltime.